While the majority of the application looks good, we'd like to ask for a revised personality section.

The first half of the personality section reads like a history section, with lots of summarizing and only a couple sentences of insight into those moments. The insight is the most important thing, but the walls of summary aren't necessary for this part of the application. A couple sentences is ok, but whole large paragraphs that are mainly summarizing aren't.

We apologize for the inconvenience. You have one week to reply to these revisions. Thank you.